Winter is coming...

Well okay; "winter" as far as OC is concerned. And actually, come to think of it, that reference doesn't really apply to what I'm writing about, but whatever. I'm committed now (because I miss GoT and really want the next season to come out already).

This quarter was tough. Like, seriously tough. I realized earlier this week that my expectations of theory research were completely and totally incorrect. More to the point, I went about this first project almost entirely the wrong way, taking to the problem like a bull in a china shop. Which, in case you're curious, didn't work too well.

I've recently started getting into lock picking (just as a hobby; no plans to recreate Oceans 11 any time soon) and what I enjoy most about it is how deliberate one has to be to get through a 6 pinner with security pins. You can't just jam two ends of a paperclip into the lock and expect the thing to open. It takes time, finesse, and patience.

Theory is a lot like that. I'm sure that as I learn more, things will go maybe a little smoother, but the fact is, there is always going to be something new in any problem worth researching just by the nature of how research works. I often tell people that theoretical chemistry is neat because it lies at the intersection of chemistry, physics, and mathematics. The past week or so has made me realize that I was regurgitating this lip service without realizing what it actually means.

I wish I'd gotten more done this quarter, but working through this has been really valuable. It's a cliché, but I almost feel like I've learned to crawl over these past few weeks.

Now it's time to try and stand up.

That moment

when you hit "shift+enter" on a mathematica notebook and the fraction you've been waiting to see for over 2 months pops out and you make this face:

All Aboard the Strugglebus!

Sometimes research doesn't go well. Other times, it really doesn't go well. And sometimes, it's a veritable dumpsterfire. I've slid through all three of these stages this quarter and my project doesn't seem to be relenting any time soon.

The most frustrating part of it all is that, just by looking at the integral I'm wrestling with, I know I should be able to compute it. I know the answer, I know the integrand is well behaved (in most places at least), and I know for sure that people have done it before. But calculating this thing is like baking a soufflé: if anything is done even slightly incorrectly, you're gonna have one floppy, deflated pastry. And nobody wants that.

One thing I have learned from all this struggling however is that I have a good support system. I've of course been complaining to my family and friends whenever I've gotten the chance, but I've also received help from various group members, both previous and current. The integral is inadvertently teaching me an enormous amount of many-body physics, UEG stuff, a dash of perturbation theory, and more than I'd care to know about Fourier transforms so even struggles are, I suppose, time well spent (though often it doesn't feel like it). Regardless of the future research I do with this thing, it's been a hell of a teaching tool.

I just hope that the finite-temperature form isn't too much worse...

Dumpster Fire

This week is the coolest week ever.

1. Our DFT midterm was given to us on Sunday. It's due next Monday. It looks like fun.
2. NSF is due Friday.
3. My research project is currently just trying to integrate a stupid two dimensional function. And I can't do it. Oh and I've been doing this for almost a month.
4. I destroyed my leg during a long run on Sunday so I can't relieve stress.

Ohheygradschool.

Writing, writing, and more writing!

First off, I should apologize to my faithful audience for my absence. I know I said I'd write up a little thing about Spain and whatnot, but research, NSFing, and DFT class have been all-consuming and it's felt wrong to take time away from those things for blogging. But! Blogging is important so here I am. Writing a blog post.

Which is fitting in some respects because recently, all I've been doing is writing. The NSF GRFP stuff is due in 11 days (hoooooooly moly) and I've been frantically polishing and rewriting and polishing and fixing and editing and pruning nonstop it seems. It's a lot of fun though. I've always enjoyed writing and I really have to put a different hat on when I'm writing sciency stuff. This stream of consciousness style I write in for this blog is really how I prefer to write, but that doesn't jive when you only have two pages and (presumably) an exhausted reader who probably wants to go home. Conciseness is key and I'm way too flowery in my writing.

Luckily, Kieron is really good at taking long sentences and turning them into a handful of words. Justin has been invaluable as well in fixing my word choice. It's nice having people to help you out! Then again that's been my experience in this group since I first got here.

Research has been progressing more slowly recently, though that's thanks to Apple's new operating system which un-taught my computer how to compile fortran and TeX, and my general lack of knowledge concerning physics-y stuff. DFT class has been a blast though, particularly since a lot of what we're learning is more about how to think about quantum mechanics. Which is weird. Quantum stuff is weird.

Grad School Year 2: The DFT Strikes Back

At some point, I'll write up a little something about the whirlwind tour of Spain that Justin and I enjoyed, but for now, the quarter starts today! It's weird being a second year. Over the next 10 weeks, I will have only one class to worry about, no teaching to distract me, and a whole lot of research to keep me busy.

It's exciting, frankly. I enjoyed my classes last year for sure but, thanks to LANL, I know what it feels like to just do science without other stuff gumming up my time. And I want that back. Being gone for two weeks was cool and all, but mostly I just want to return to "routine" (if there is such a thing in grad school) and dive into DFT.

The class starts today and I look forward to seeing how the class will enhance my understanding of the research I've done and the research I will do. Speaking of which, I should probably finish up the homework that's due in an hour.

Hola, ¿qué tal?

Hooray, Spain! After enduring my first trans-atlantic flight and a french-filled connection in Brussels (a place I will definitely visit in the future), I found myself in a rather alien place full of non-perpendicular roads and buildings that looked older than anything I'd ever seen before. San Sebastian is a very popular holiday location for europeans and I can absolutely understand why. The views are utterly breathtaking and the food is to die for. Since I don't speak spanish, I often just smile confusedly at the waiter or waitress who has been tasked with serving me until they suggest something, to which I always reply, "si, si. Gracias!"

Other than the sheer deliciousness, eating in Spain is a wholly different process because socializing outdoors is way more prevalent here than it is in the states. Lunch is a communal affair, lasting a few hours and a number of courses. Meals always feature alcohol (sometimes whether you order it or not) and coffee or espresso. The waitstaff never comes to ask you how you're doing because you're always busy chatting and, I must say, I'm completely taken with the way they do things here.

I lament that I can't speak the lingo because I feel like I'm missing out on the immersive nature of spending a week+ in a completely foreign place. Luckily, the conference is in english so I'll know just how little DFT I know.

Speaking of the conference, I'm currently at it. I'm sitting in an empty lecture hall trying desperately to digest the delicious food I ate for lunch while running some calculations. It's all fantastic. I like it here.