Monday, June 9, 2014

How to not (!) bar hop in Montreal

Dear Diary,

While I went to sleep last night, some of the other people decided to hit up the local pub in town and, this is the best the pre-eminent physicists of our generation could come up with, ask girls if they would buy them drinks.  Careful planning went into this by looking up certain useful French phrases, and scouring The Guide to First Impressions by Franz Kafka, from which the conversation went something like:

Physicist [translated from accented French]: Could you buy me a drink?  I don't have any money.
Local:  No.
Friend of aforementioned physicist:  No, but he doesn't have any money.
Response:  [Nothing]

For the record, one response is to ask why the friend can't give the original questioner some money, but the people around here are much smarter than that.  They just start ignoring you.  No attention, no responses in English, and no money.  $mart people!

The funny thing is that the next morning when they were relating their triumphant (?) adventure, they seemed to have enjoyed getting stifled.  Good for them!  But something still doesn't add up.  After they told me their story, I started asking them for some money, but they wouldn't give me any!  They just laughed at me!  But, really, I don't have any money!

Rose:  No, really, Dr. Who doesn't have any money.

You know, I should have seen this coming.  A few days ago, one of them asked me to  buy them a drink, and I did thinking they'd pay me back!  I was a practice run! They were testing their tricks!  And I was foolish enough to let it work!

The only real winner here was one of the more suave students wore sunglasses which were a big hit!  He was wearing his sunglasses at night!  Nobody else got any attention except from some travelers from Montreal who were also having no luck getting any money from women.  It's not like the pockets of the locals are bottomless!

Word to the wise:  dress up when you go out.  Everyone else will.  If you look like a hobo in a sweatshirt and ask for money, it gives the wrong impression.  A dress shirt and sunglasses are a must.

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