Monday, January 13, 2014

Get down with the sickness (Go home)

Dear Diary,

Everyone is sick.  Beware!  I don't need you getting sick!

I suppose, quite universally,* the sound medical advice is to go home, rest up, eat some soup, and wait until at least the fever passes.  But the physicist is a strange creature and the wrong sort of doctor to know these details.  No sickness can stop us from spreading it to everyone else.  Indeed, making everyone else sick will clear out the office and provide for some highly valued free thinking.  Further with the lack of regular exercise from the desk job-y nature, we don't have the crazy immune systems.

It's probably also a good competitive strategy to force an illness bug to mutate into a superbug that can't be tackled by viruses (which explains why everyone is taking cough medicine right now...and causing the bugs to adapt!).  This provides more work for our biologist brothers and sisters, and I think you might be able to send home a few pesky students by coating the bathroom door handles with germs.**  Less teaching!  Now if only we could get delays on grants through this somehow...

I guess I'm not the most effective messenger for the "Go Home" message because my ulterior motive is to get the office all to myself (Aha!  So staying healthy is also a competitive strategy!). But this is a double edged sword because if you're healthy, then you have to come in (you're healthy) and breathe in all errant sneeze particles and cough exhaust.  I'm not going to take a sick day just because all of you are sick.

The strangest part is that everyone who's sick got a flu shot. What does this mean?!***

It means: Go home if you're sick!****

*-even from mothers!

**-use soap!

***-Aha!  It means I don't have to bring cookies to group meeting if Kieron Skypes with us from the Prof. Kieron Infirmary!

****-Although, when I eventually get sick in a few days from breathing all the air, I'll probably refrain from staying reinfect everyone!

No comments:

Post a Comment